Rejection, which could have been my shortest title if I didn't say this

The Great thing about being used

is you know your not useless

you should know I over-think things

and so assume that I've just gotten blown off

which may 

or may not be true

but that doesn't nessarily 

mean anything

for my plans were just ruined

and a hope that I had 

for a feat yet to be experienced

has diminished

to say it plain and simple

I'm annoyed

and have possibly 

had a small shot to my ego

and just when I was starting to feel good again

hmm... I don't know else to say but this

I hope this isn't what I think

becuase I could really use some confidence at this point in my life.

And Yea... I'm Royally Fucked

I'm glad I don't think that way I used to
once upon a time I thought
that I would be the guy
that girls always dream about

it was foolish to think I was that
because in reality
I hate too much
to be with someone that long

yea, sure, if I was with someone
I'd hold her hand
as long as she could
stand the sweat

and kiss her on her forehead
and cudle more then we fuck
and tell her she's beautiful
more then I say she's hot

I'd write poetry
about the breaths we share
and how it mean more to me then
anything that ever was

I'd be that guy
but that's the problem
because, that's what I'd want to be
not what I am

no, I'm not a jerk
though i pretend to be at times
if it will help someone
from thinking I'm too much

no
in reality
I'm too little in my own head
to be able to stand on two feet

my real problem
is with |xxxx|
I have no idea
and I guess that's the problem

wow, that's really fucked up

In A Certain Sense, All We Want Is Something Real

The sense of touch:
an ability
known only to
the extremities

an under appreciated
and under developed reincarnation
of what it feels like
to know someone

to know touch
and grasp the sensation
is to know
the deepest feeling a body can feel

not superficial
but real
and in reality
with certainty

I'd take this feeling over any other
because of it's solidity
for you can't trust
any other sense

they will deceive you
manipulate you
and mock up
a world made by falsehoods

and in that world
we are are not real
we are a composite
reality

No, the only sense you can trust
is touch
for only touch
show's true decay

I'm In Cahoots With The Problems I've Become

I have a problem with confront
I can't confess my feelings
especially one of distaste
and especailly to people i care about

I wish I did
quite honestly
but therein lies a problem
that I'm sure some people share

for some reason
it's terrifying
frankly
it's scary as shit

to man up
speak from your heart, not lie
which is essentailly a way of
protecting yourself

if you dismiss words
that arn't my own
then it's no big deal
they we're never a part of me

but to share my own
is to let you into my heart
in a way which would make you want to hurt it
and that's just too big a risk to take

so tell me what to do
though I have secrets
they are hidden
from my eyes too

I sometimes wonder
if i even understand a word I say
probably not
and why would I

give me a reason
a meaning for the seasons
an apologestic systematic
excape from my own self

A Problematic Response to an Undeserving Situation

Tell me a secret

something that i don't know

because if all of this time

you've been telling the truth

then I have alot of thinking to do


I'll admit I am a overly trusting person

or at least

would be if I actually believed a word

anyone said


But I play the games

force my famous fake smile

on anyone and everyone

who's unfortunate enough to give me the time of day


Let's face it

It would make a lot more sense

if everyone hated me

if everyone hated everyone


but they don't

maybe that's just our need for companionship

playing tricks on ourselves

making us think we care when we don't<>

"well darling, I love you

and though that's a lie

I hope it makes you feel better

because you're a much better use of my time"

The Proverbial Jelly Fish

And I'm back to feeling sick
I feel so done
so empty
or not full.

how ever you put it
I'm feeling it
I am the proverbial
washed up jellyfish
on the shore of what's to come

I guess what's really scary
is to know
that no matter what i do
I won't be happy

I think the reason why it's been so long
since I had written
is because I had forgotten
that happy is just out of my reach

always will
always has
and I really
just need to get used to it

otherwise
I really just don't know
how I can possibly
cope

so I'll drink to the thought
of a happiness reached
a warning elapsed
and a world so unreal
that even in my dreams it doesn't exist